Conscious Communication: Sharing Your Intent to Separate/Divorce
By Lisa Catapano, Life and Divorce Coach
Gaining clarity that separation or divorce is the best decision for you is crucial. Once shared, those words cannot be taken back. Therefore, take the time to carefully consider your decision, seeking support and guidance from a coach/therapist and attorney beforehand to feel secure and empowered. Conscious planning, utilizing the tips below, can help create conditions for a constructive and respectful conversation:
Preparation:
- Reflect on whether it’s best to have this conversation one-on-one with your spouse or with the support of a therapist.
- Choose a time to have the conversation when your spouse is likely to be most receptive, avoiding high-stress periods and holidays.
- Select a neutral space where both of you feel comfortable and safe, and where children are not present.
- Notify your spouse in advance, if possible, that you’d like to have a serious conversation.
- Be mentally prepared for various reactions from your spouse, such as surprise, anger, sadness, or confusion.
Approach:
- Be clear and concise about your decision, maintaining a calm, neutral, and kind demeanor.
- Validate your spouse’s emotions and allow them the space to process your decision before sharing it with others, including children.
- Avoid common communication pitfalls, such as:
- Using “You” statements that blame your spouse, and instead focus on “I” statements that inform your feelings and perspective.
- Avoid becoming defensive; strive to remain neutral and open-minded.
- Remember to separate the problem from the person; it’s about addressing issues, not attacking individuals.
- Keep the conversation focused on communication rather than escalating into drama or argument.
- Refrain from discussing separation or divorce logistics or engaging in negotiation during this initial conversation.
By approaching this conversation with conscious communication, you lay the groundwork for a respectful and constructive dialogue, setting the stage for navigating the complexities of separation or divorce with clarity and compassion.
Lisa Catapano is a Certified Life Coach and Career Coach specializing in personal and professional transition and transformation, self-empowerment, emotional awareness, mindset, and visioning. She also facilitates personal growth programs and retreats. Lisa supports clients who are divorced or moving through divorce. She helps clients gain clarity, process emotions, reclaim a sense of self, and nurture a new life vision. A divorced, single parent and former attorney, Lisa has a deep understanding of the impact of divorce. She draws on her personal experience, legal knowledge, and coaching expertise to provide insightful and compassionate guidance that helps her clients evolve and flourish. Lisa’s legal and professional service expertise, combined with her life and career coaching experience, provide her with deep knowledge, perspective, and skill in guiding people through the challenge of divorce toward the possibility of life post-divorce.
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Email: lisa@lisacatapano.com
Tel: 617-699-9114
