I Never Thought of It That Way Before: The Power of A New Perspective

I Never Thought of It That Way Before: The Power of A New Perspective

By Juliet Marciano, M.D. 

One of the skills I share with parents through our working together is the ability to offer a new or different perspective. Sometimes I help them step back from the midst of the trees to see the forest.

When we are in the middle of a difficult situation, our focus is often very narrow. We are under such duress and can’t see what needs to be seen, do what needs to be done, say what needs to be said, or be who we need to be.

How does the need for a new perspective show up in your life?

Your child may be exhibiting a behavior that is an attempt to communicate something to you that you aren’t seeing. You see unacceptable behavior and you want to END IT or FIX IT. Often parents want the quick answer to how to get their child to DO something or how to get their child to STOP DOING something. In the process, they use methods that do not address the true issue. Parents will yell or punish with the threat of a loss of privileges or some other unpleasant consequences. Parents get angry, frustrated, take things personally, feel horrible, hurt, exhausted, or depleted. It is a vicious cycle.

As human beings, we have this wonderful ability to accept change, adapt, and adjust, so that we can SURVIVE! This serves us well as a species and as an individual. This is the basis of resilience. But sometimes this “resilience” does us a disservice. It prevents us from looking deeper, figuring out why something is happening, or it keeps us from making changes that could put us on a different path before significant damage is done. 

If this is happening to you, over time, you may simply “accept the behavior” and you adjust, make do, and move on. But, with a trained, objective eye, you can further detect the triggers surrounding unwarranted behaviors. Many of us have the skill to accept drastic changes if they are presented in small amounts over long periods of time.

I work with parents to discuss the family life and dynamics to shed light on some changes in the family that were strictly reactive, in the moment, and done without thought or consideration. Together we see that their actions became patterns that were difficult to break, persisting for long periods of time. I help the parents figure out the underlying issue and the problem behavior often goes away. Or, the parents develop the tools necessary to see the behavior as a means for communication and no longer respond in a reactive, punishing, and disconnecting manner.  

Typically the parents will comment, “I never looked at it that way before.” Sometimes all it takes is a question: Why do you think that happened? Why do you think they did that? How did you decide on that? And the answer is “I don’t know.” That’s when the focus shifts and the detective work begins.

Some parents work with me because they find themselves living a life that is not what they had envisioned and they wonder if THEY can make a change to make their lives better, no matter what challenges they face and struggles they encounter. The answer is YES!

If you want to learn more about how your parenting skills would benefit from working with me, please contact me or schedule a complimentary consultation call.

You can also join my Facebook group, Reclaiming the Joy of Parenting, a safe place for parents of children with special needs, extra needs, high needs, and different needs to discuss their challenges and share their successes in a supportive, confidential environment.

As a Parent Coach and Pediatrician, Juliet has witnessed the ongoing suffering that divorce can cause to children and families when parents don’t have access to the guidance and support they need. Now retired from practicing medicine, Juliet coaches parents of children with various special needs and extra needs. As a member of the Vesta collaborative team that helps parents through every stage of the divorce process, she works with parents and helps them not only minimize the negative effects of divorce on their family but also gather the information and develop the skills they need to lead their family to thrive.

July 31, 2020


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